A whole new world has been opened up to Beatle. She is now 48” tall and can ride almost everything at Magic Springs, the amusement park here in town. In our spare time in the summers (ha!) we like to venture over there. We bond as a family in between bouts of motion sickness and being slammed around by unruly tubes in the wave pool. We didn’t get passes last year and weren’t going to this year but they were given to us so how could we refuse?
Beatle was relishing in her newfound opportunities and was being quite bold but dug in her heels as we were finding seats on the pirate ship-type ride that flips all the way around. We had to take the “chicken exit”. I told the kid working it, “Maybe next time…” and he quipped, “Yeah, right.”
She was drunk on adrenaline though when she jumped off one small roller coaster onto Wild Thang—too bold to notice it was exponentially worse than the ride she passed on. “Hurry, hurry! Let’s try to get on this time,” she said exasperated as the rest of us were trying to keep up. Wild Thang turned in three different direction so I pleaded to Brent’s good nature on the way there to please let me sit this one out. So, he manned up and jumped on with her. It wasn’t till it started turning that I could see where she should be sitting, only I just saw legs dangling next to Brent. She was so small she couldn’t even see over the harness. I don’t know if I’ve ever felt so out of control as a mother in my life. I know that she’s just on loan to me and God has her in His hands but I couldn’t help but freak out as the ride whirled her every which way and flipped her around over and over. I just sat there stupidly; dividing my time between praying and laughing hysterically while Birdie ate dirt. Thank God she exited safe and sound declaring, with every bit of sincerity she could muster, that she really thought she was going to die up there. She even had the presence of mind to ask Brent, while being flung around, how far away the closest emergency room was. Haha! She’s becoming so cerebral.
We return to Oklahoma this Friday and stay until my sister’s wedding. I truly enjoy not having to work but especially during the summer because it affords us opportunities like going to Oklahoma for weeks at a time. It’s such a special time to be able to take our time with family and friends.
I love Brent’s job. I love that he loves his job and that our kids love his job. Mind you, when they are 17, they may not think what he does is that cool but right now, he’s their hero. Last night, he was getting ready for camp and since he’s responsible for an illusion segment, he wanted an audience to perform for. He was doing good—wearing a wig and a lab coat we purposefully singed in areas to make kids doubt his abilities and add to his character—when he got to his second fire trick and something went awry and it there was a mini-explosion in his hands and his reaction was priceless. Beatle and I busted a gut!!! We doctored him and he’s all better but he’s scratched the fire tricks this week because now he’s all kinds of gun-shy.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Backyard Spectacular
I love the 4th of July because of family and friends! (is it wrong that they came to my mind way before my country?? Disclaimer: I AM patriotic!) But when I realized for the second year in a row we couldn't go to OK for the long weekend, I knew I must devise a plan to keep me preoccupied here in hot springs. I didn't really feel we could do much outside because of little JJ but inside things, like movies and bowling, were ruled out because of our live wire, Birdie. So, the backyard spectacular was born! Thank God for Family Fun magazine. Anything cute or creative I do, I've found or modified from that publication. We waited until Monday and worked outside after the girls went to bed on Sunday night so there were little surprises in the morning. It felt like Christmas! We bought a little pool and Brent crafted a sprinkler area out of PVC pipe. (like Christmas, he lost his cool a little the night before when he realized he glued it together wrong and I poorly supressed nervous giggles when he fired it up the next day and it trickled out of half the holes rather than sprayed out of all.) but, honestly, it was perfect for Birdie. Just her speed. I sprayed painted Twister circles on the grass.
Early Monday morning, Beatle climbed into bed and said, "mom, I can't believe it's red, white and blue day!" I made blue biscuits and we revealed everything. It was an amazing day, ending with the girls (and JJ) wearing homemade t-shirts, eating festive ice cream sandwiches Beatle and I made, and watching the tiny fireworks show BR put on. Even though we weren't where I traditionally think I should be on the 4th, we were able to manufacture the same feelings I've had on the 4th for the last 15 years.
Tonight, we were going to Bedtime Stories at the library for the first time and Beatle kept telling me that one of her friends told her that they have cookies and milk afterward. I told her that I wasn't sure and she kept insisting. Finally she said, "seriously mom, how would they keep all of those kids entertained--by just sitting around and reading a BOOK?" haha! She really does like books; she just likes cookies exponentially more! I couldn't help but share that with the children's librarian, who is a close friend of ours. Luckily, she thought it was funny too. :)
Early Monday morning, Beatle climbed into bed and said, "mom, I can't believe it's red, white and blue day!" I made blue biscuits and we revealed everything. It was an amazing day, ending with the girls (and JJ) wearing homemade t-shirts, eating festive ice cream sandwiches Beatle and I made, and watching the tiny fireworks show BR put on. Even though we weren't where I traditionally think I should be on the 4th, we were able to manufacture the same feelings I've had on the 4th for the last 15 years.
Tonight, we were going to Bedtime Stories at the library for the first time and Beatle kept telling me that one of her friends told her that they have cookies and milk afterward. I told her that I wasn't sure and she kept insisting. Finally she said, "seriously mom, how would they keep all of those kids entertained--by just sitting around and reading a BOOK?" haha! She really does like books; she just likes cookies exponentially more! I couldn't help but share that with the children's librarian, who is a close friend of ours. Luckily, she thought it was funny too. :)
Saturday, June 25, 2011
It's a boy!
To catch up, "baby" moved to the other foster home when they said she would and Brent borrowed the church preschool's giant waterslide and set it up in the backyard to cheer us all up. It was really hard to let her go; we enjoyed a weekend just the 4 of us in spite of it, though we felt a little lost. I was certain that we weren't going to take any permanent placements for the rest of the summer since we'll be traveling so much. And, I was feeling even more confident that we wouldn't take another baby for awhile since I don't consider myself a baby person. I was telling my workout buddies all of this that following Monday morning and by lunchtime I had gotten a call about a placement for a little boy just coming home from the hospital within the next few hours. They said they were desperate. I talked to Brent about it at lunch and he politely told me that I was on my own with that one since he was ramping up for VBS the following week. I nervously accepted. I didn't know what to expect from a tiny drug baby so I told DHS that I would take him but only until the end of the week--to give them more time to find permanent placement for him. So, an old lady in a sports car with an ashtray full of cigarette butts wheeled up to the church and gave me a two minute debriefing, a pack of diapers, some formula and a 4 pound, 9 ounce baby boy. Brent walked into the church, hot and sweaty, his assistant just came to his aid because his jeep stranded him across town. He walked through the gaggle of women admiring our new addition and someone asked him, "Brent, is this your new foster son?" To which, he responded, "I don't know. I just met it." Classy! I died laughing; the humor of how crazy the situation was wasn't lost on me.
We've just taken it week by week and we're finishing our third week with Mr. JJ. He's not scary...We really love the little guy. He's been so sweet and cute--both the girls are smitten. I didn't know what it would be like to have a little boy around but, it turns out, they're just as sweet and cuddly as little girls! I've really enjoyed it! It's been a nice rebound from Nadya and a good experience for us all.
Birdie's been potty training herself. It's the craziest thing. She looks so little using the "po po". She still has accidents now and then but she's doing tremendous!
We are loving summer! I had a great birthday. It was really low key, just the way I wanted it this year. However, I did request a cookie cake from either sam's or great American cookie company and poor Brent tried a few times but couldn't make it happen. Last night, he went to sam's a few minutes after it closed so today, he was determined. (I was kind of over it by now but he couldn't let it go.) brent was unloading the other things I'd asked him to pick up from sam's. I went to go meet Beatle halfway when I heard a crash. She had dropped my cookie cake into a heap on the sidewalk and on her new sneakers. She instantly burst into tears. It was so heartbreaking how sad she was that she dropped my cake. I was unusually sweet and encouraging, everyone should be so proud. :) I reassured her over and over that it was ok. We scooped it up and I have a half eaten bowl of cookie volcano cake beside me right now and it is DELICIOUS! (I hit grit only once.)
We're flip-flopping the girls' rooms around this weekend. That's been a chore but I think we're going to love it. One playroom and one sleep room. It's given us a chance to purge things as well. Plus, it already seems this transition is fostering a closer relationship between the two of them. Just this evening, they were playing tag/hide and seek. There was lots of laughing and Beatle kept proclaiming with surprise, "it's really fun to play with a baby!" I hope they are close.
My brother got married last weekend. It was fun and he looked handsome. I am very happy for the two of them and am happy to have a new sister in the family!
We've just taken it week by week and we're finishing our third week with Mr. JJ. He's not scary...We really love the little guy. He's been so sweet and cute--both the girls are smitten. I didn't know what it would be like to have a little boy around but, it turns out, they're just as sweet and cuddly as little girls! I've really enjoyed it! It's been a nice rebound from Nadya and a good experience for us all.
Birdie's been potty training herself. It's the craziest thing. She looks so little using the "po po". She still has accidents now and then but she's doing tremendous!
We are loving summer! I had a great birthday. It was really low key, just the way I wanted it this year. However, I did request a cookie cake from either sam's or great American cookie company and poor Brent tried a few times but couldn't make it happen. Last night, he went to sam's a few minutes after it closed so today, he was determined. (I was kind of over it by now but he couldn't let it go.) brent was unloading the other things I'd asked him to pick up from sam's. I went to go meet Beatle halfway when I heard a crash. She had dropped my cookie cake into a heap on the sidewalk and on her new sneakers. She instantly burst into tears. It was so heartbreaking how sad she was that she dropped my cake. I was unusually sweet and encouraging, everyone should be so proud. :) I reassured her over and over that it was ok. We scooped it up and I have a half eaten bowl of cookie volcano cake beside me right now and it is DELICIOUS! (I hit grit only once.)
We're flip-flopping the girls' rooms around this weekend. That's been a chore but I think we're going to love it. One playroom and one sleep room. It's given us a chance to purge things as well. Plus, it already seems this transition is fostering a closer relationship between the two of them. Just this evening, they were playing tag/hide and seek. There was lots of laughing and Beatle kept proclaiming with surprise, "it's really fun to play with a baby!" I hope they are close.
My brother got married last weekend. It was fun and he looked handsome. I am very happy for the two of them and am happy to have a new sister in the family!
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Crying on a Cruise Ship: Is that salt-water on my lips from the ocean or my tear ducts? :)
It's been a year since I've been at home! Wow! I was sitting on the floor this morning watching some Seasame Street with Birdie sharing some popcorn from a get together last night and thought, "ahhh, this is the life". While it's not always like a Norman Rockwell painting, I am so glad we had the courage a year ago to take a leap of faith and make that move for our family. I'm also really thankful that God has sustained it for a year.
Our cruise was great! I texted a friend that the first day was hell but it did nothing but get better and better after that. And then, it was over and we didn't want to come home. To briefly recap, Carnival was having computer problems when we were going to board so it took longer, coupled with the fact that my uncle wanted to get there super early, did not play to Birdie's strengths. We were "that" family with "that" wild, screaming child in the stroller. I wanted to find a hole to hide in. Beatle started getting sick and was feeling queasy in line. Poor Beatle was so sick by the time we were learning about the lifejackets. I almost went Momma Grizzly standing, packed in there with a wild child and another one crying with sick, pleading eyes. I took her to the ship's dr before we even left Galveston and she had strep and got meds. In our room, Beatle threw up in and on our bed. Once she started holding down her meds, that situation improved greatly. But trying to get situated in those tiny rooms proved to be tricky. Birdie kept trying to walk around but she hadn't got her sea-legs yet and she was getting frustrated and bumps on the head. BR took her to the pool in an effort to give me and B some time in the room and they were outed by a loud, obnoxious dad that she wasn't potty-trained and shouldn't be in that pool (like his 3 year old ever got out to pee! please!) I stripped Birdie down to hand her to Brent in the shower to rinse the salt-water off. I tended to something else and turned around and she had pooped on the floor. I think that's when I about cried when Brent reminded me we had 7 more days. That day, it felt like we had bit off WAY more than we could chew by bringing both the girls. (The whole week, it still felt like it might have been too much to bring Birdie but it worked out and we do have some great memories with her but I would HIGHLY recommend waiting until your child is 2 before going that way you can use the pools and the free childcare when you need it.) Needless to say, things could go nowhere but up after that first day. Learning your way around the ship is huge! Once we started getting the hang of that, our days at sea were great. Every excursion we did was awesome! Some adults zip-lined in Jamaica, our family swam with dolphins, held sea turtles and went to the 7-mile beach (A-MAZING!) in Grand Cayman, and snorkeled at Chankunaab in Cozumel. Great time! Great memories! Great pictures!
Ok, to update about Baby...we didn't feel like we could take baby brother (that the new foster family has dubbed "Timmy". Really??? Not even close to his real name.) Honestly, I didn't really even see it coming when the case worker called and just stated matter-of-factly (liked we had talked about it before) that Baby was moving to the other foster home to be with brother. That caught us off-gaurd and kind of hurt my feelings. That family watched her while we were on the cruise and it went well. We got a call yesterday that the move could happen as soon as tomorrow! The timeline we thought we were working with was at the end of summer. When things like this happen, we know that God has all of this in the palm of His hand and we have been giving it to Him in prayer constantly. Our fleshly side gets stirred up, however, because in classes they speak like we are all a team but it really just feels like we get our marching orders and are allowed no opinion for a child that's been a part of our family for 5 months. We are trying to be positive and supress these feeling, knowing that God knows all--her future, our future, our hearts, our anxieties and demands of summer, and the needs our own children have right now. It will be really sad to see her go; like when you finish a gripping novel--you feel lost for a day or so, reliving all that you just read but then you realize you have lots more free time and throw your efforts into something else. :) We love her and will still get to see her occasionally. We're not done fostering but we are going to take this summer to be the 4 of us again. I say all of this with the prediction that she will be moving tomorrow but nothing with DHS is ever 100% so we shall see.
Our cruise was great! I texted a friend that the first day was hell but it did nothing but get better and better after that. And then, it was over and we didn't want to come home. To briefly recap, Carnival was having computer problems when we were going to board so it took longer, coupled with the fact that my uncle wanted to get there super early, did not play to Birdie's strengths. We were "that" family with "that" wild, screaming child in the stroller. I wanted to find a hole to hide in. Beatle started getting sick and was feeling queasy in line. Poor Beatle was so sick by the time we were learning about the lifejackets. I almost went Momma Grizzly standing, packed in there with a wild child and another one crying with sick, pleading eyes. I took her to the ship's dr before we even left Galveston and she had strep and got meds. In our room, Beatle threw up in and on our bed. Once she started holding down her meds, that situation improved greatly. But trying to get situated in those tiny rooms proved to be tricky. Birdie kept trying to walk around but she hadn't got her sea-legs yet and she was getting frustrated and bumps on the head. BR took her to the pool in an effort to give me and B some time in the room and they were outed by a loud, obnoxious dad that she wasn't potty-trained and shouldn't be in that pool (like his 3 year old ever got out to pee! please!) I stripped Birdie down to hand her to Brent in the shower to rinse the salt-water off. I tended to something else and turned around and she had pooped on the floor. I think that's when I about cried when Brent reminded me we had 7 more days. That day, it felt like we had bit off WAY more than we could chew by bringing both the girls. (The whole week, it still felt like it might have been too much to bring Birdie but it worked out and we do have some great memories with her but I would HIGHLY recommend waiting until your child is 2 before going that way you can use the pools and the free childcare when you need it.) Needless to say, things could go nowhere but up after that first day. Learning your way around the ship is huge! Once we started getting the hang of that, our days at sea were great. Every excursion we did was awesome! Some adults zip-lined in Jamaica, our family swam with dolphins, held sea turtles and went to the 7-mile beach (A-MAZING!) in Grand Cayman, and snorkeled at Chankunaab in Cozumel. Great time! Great memories! Great pictures!
Ok, to update about Baby...we didn't feel like we could take baby brother (that the new foster family has dubbed "Timmy". Really??? Not even close to his real name.) Honestly, I didn't really even see it coming when the case worker called and just stated matter-of-factly (liked we had talked about it before) that Baby was moving to the other foster home to be with brother. That caught us off-gaurd and kind of hurt my feelings. That family watched her while we were on the cruise and it went well. We got a call yesterday that the move could happen as soon as tomorrow! The timeline we thought we were working with was at the end of summer. When things like this happen, we know that God has all of this in the palm of His hand and we have been giving it to Him in prayer constantly. Our fleshly side gets stirred up, however, because in classes they speak like we are all a team but it really just feels like we get our marching orders and are allowed no opinion for a child that's been a part of our family for 5 months. We are trying to be positive and supress these feeling, knowing that God knows all--her future, our future, our hearts, our anxieties and demands of summer, and the needs our own children have right now. It will be really sad to see her go; like when you finish a gripping novel--you feel lost for a day or so, reliving all that you just read but then you realize you have lots more free time and throw your efforts into something else. :) We love her and will still get to see her occasionally. We're not done fostering but we are going to take this summer to be the 4 of us again. I say all of this with the prediction that she will be moving tomorrow but nothing with DHS is ever 100% so we shall see.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Fumble
I have dropped the ball with blogging this month! Don't give up on me you silent but faithful blog-followers! What a month it has been, as I'm sure it has been for you too!
Two weeks ago, we had a breach in security early in the morning...that's what we call it around here when bathroom or bedroom doors are left open, a perfect opportunity for Birdie to rifle around and find a shoe to go throw in the toilet or trashcan--her favorite pastime of late. Birdie kicked the door in on Brent in our bedroom, I was a few steps behind her but we found Brent on the phone on his knees praying instead of getting ready. It was hard news that ears were about to hear; a beloved uncle had died. It's hard to know how to react when you feel sure that their suffering is over, they've found peace in heaven, but life for us won't be the same anymore. Beatle was particularly close to her great-uncle and we figured she'd take it hard. Later that day, we pulled the old, check-her-out-of-school-and-get-some-ice-cream trick but she's a smart cookie and she knew something was up. I thought I'd leave it to the professional to deliver the news and it was Brent's uncle. He just said it. No real build-up or gentle let-down. Not even a hug when she was crying! I had to swoop in try to save this situation and later I asked to see his qualifying creditials again. Ji-mi-ny! We will miss Uncle Jim.
Have you ever been in so much suspense you can hardly handle it??? In the last month, we've been reading "The Hiding Place" aloud for about an hour each night. It's been super fun and we just finished tonight. But, a few nights ago, when the story was reaching it's climax, Beatle could hardly take it; she flopped on the ground and said, "I'm so nervous. I've got to cover my eyes!" We just died laughing. With an oral story, you're eyes won't spare you, my child! Then, the next night, we were playing Sorry on the floor and it was anyone's game--just a card could be a game-changer. She starts writhing next to us with that nervous giggle/shriek as Brent draws his card and she says, "I can't take this! I'm giving myself a wedgie!" Seriously, so intense that you resort to a self-inflicted wedgie??? Bahaha! I lost it when she pointed that out.
I've had this artsy-crafty idea for a mobile for Birdie since she's never had a proper one before. I gathered sticks, spray-painted them white, used jute rope to hold it together and glued on these Parisian-inspired, pink birds. It was really pretty (although, I can admit now that the scale was a little larger than desired once we got it in place last weekend). I was putting the girls to bed when I thought I heard something crunching. Beatle was chatting it up with Baby across the room so I asked her to be quiet and we strained our ears. Now that I'm retelling this, I feel like I'm building up to a National Lampoon Christmas Vacation story. Anyways, whatever it was didn't do it while we were quiet so I was about to give up when I looked into Birdie's bed more closely when I saw there was a pile of sawdust in there! Judging by the way it fell, I found a hole. Finally, we heard it crunching again. Typical me, I just put Birdie to bed anyways and resolved to talk to Brent about it in the morning. As soon as I did this morning, Brent was like, "Termites!!!" His mind was going a million miles an hour and he was telling me horror stories. Not worth it. The mobile is in the trash, my little birdies are back on my craft table and my Birdie woke up with sawdust in her eye boogers for the last time.
Tomorrow, we set out on an adventure of a lifetime. We're going cruising, baby! It's one thing to go on an awesome vacation but it's another thing to have someone else foot the bill--talk about relaxing!!! Thank you Big Poppa! I've turned into such a cheap-o thanks to Dave Ramsey that it's even hard for me to enjoy vacations as much as I used to because I'm constantly thinking about the dollah billz flying out the window. I got an email the summer of 2007 from my dad wanting to do this and I think we're all so giddy that it's FINALLY here! Family, fun, and the beach. Seriously, heaven on earth. Can't wait!
And, great news! Beatle is going to first grade!!! I'm SO relieved! We plan to get her some tutoring this summer so she can stay with it and maybe next school year, it can come a little more naturally for her.
Oh, and I never did model. I chickened out. (And, of course, I dropped the weight once the deadline was off my back...I have NEVER succeeded when I "need" to lose weight for something. It just makes me stress eat.) But, it all worked out for the best because I can't imagine me even competing with the lady who wound up doing it. She did so good and was having so much fun!
Two weeks ago, we had a breach in security early in the morning...that's what we call it around here when bathroom or bedroom doors are left open, a perfect opportunity for Birdie to rifle around and find a shoe to go throw in the toilet or trashcan--her favorite pastime of late. Birdie kicked the door in on Brent in our bedroom, I was a few steps behind her but we found Brent on the phone on his knees praying instead of getting ready. It was hard news that ears were about to hear; a beloved uncle had died. It's hard to know how to react when you feel sure that their suffering is over, they've found peace in heaven, but life for us won't be the same anymore. Beatle was particularly close to her great-uncle and we figured she'd take it hard. Later that day, we pulled the old, check-her-out-of-school-and-get-some-ice-cream trick but she's a smart cookie and she knew something was up. I thought I'd leave it to the professional to deliver the news and it was Brent's uncle. He just said it. No real build-up or gentle let-down. Not even a hug when she was crying! I had to swoop in try to save this situation and later I asked to see his qualifying creditials again. Ji-mi-ny! We will miss Uncle Jim.
Have you ever been in so much suspense you can hardly handle it??? In the last month, we've been reading "The Hiding Place" aloud for about an hour each night. It's been super fun and we just finished tonight. But, a few nights ago, when the story was reaching it's climax, Beatle could hardly take it; she flopped on the ground and said, "I'm so nervous. I've got to cover my eyes!" We just died laughing. With an oral story, you're eyes won't spare you, my child! Then, the next night, we were playing Sorry on the floor and it was anyone's game--just a card could be a game-changer. She starts writhing next to us with that nervous giggle/shriek as Brent draws his card and she says, "I can't take this! I'm giving myself a wedgie!" Seriously, so intense that you resort to a self-inflicted wedgie??? Bahaha! I lost it when she pointed that out.
I've had this artsy-crafty idea for a mobile for Birdie since she's never had a proper one before. I gathered sticks, spray-painted them white, used jute rope to hold it together and glued on these Parisian-inspired, pink birds. It was really pretty (although, I can admit now that the scale was a little larger than desired once we got it in place last weekend). I was putting the girls to bed when I thought I heard something crunching. Beatle was chatting it up with Baby across the room so I asked her to be quiet and we strained our ears. Now that I'm retelling this, I feel like I'm building up to a National Lampoon Christmas Vacation story. Anyways, whatever it was didn't do it while we were quiet so I was about to give up when I looked into Birdie's bed more closely when I saw there was a pile of sawdust in there! Judging by the way it fell, I found a hole. Finally, we heard it crunching again. Typical me, I just put Birdie to bed anyways and resolved to talk to Brent about it in the morning. As soon as I did this morning, Brent was like, "Termites!!!" His mind was going a million miles an hour and he was telling me horror stories. Not worth it. The mobile is in the trash, my little birdies are back on my craft table and my Birdie woke up with sawdust in her eye boogers for the last time.
Tomorrow, we set out on an adventure of a lifetime. We're going cruising, baby! It's one thing to go on an awesome vacation but it's another thing to have someone else foot the bill--talk about relaxing!!! Thank you Big Poppa! I've turned into such a cheap-o thanks to Dave Ramsey that it's even hard for me to enjoy vacations as much as I used to because I'm constantly thinking about the dollah billz flying out the window. I got an email the summer of 2007 from my dad wanting to do this and I think we're all so giddy that it's FINALLY here! Family, fun, and the beach. Seriously, heaven on earth. Can't wait!
And, great news! Beatle is going to first grade!!! I'm SO relieved! We plan to get her some tutoring this summer so she can stay with it and maybe next school year, it can come a little more naturally for her.
Oh, and I never did model. I chickened out. (And, of course, I dropped the weight once the deadline was off my back...I have NEVER succeeded when I "need" to lose weight for something. It just makes me stress eat.) But, it all worked out for the best because I can't imagine me even competing with the lady who wound up doing it. She did so good and was having so much fun!
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
"Hey, Meth Teeth! Are you guys going to bring the cupcakes to May's birthday party?" I was groping for a parent's name as he walked by while I idled in the car rider lane with my windows down. Really? Meth Teeth? Well, I didn't bellow it out my window. In fact, I didn't say it at all but, to me, he will henceforth always be referred to in my mind as Meth Teeth and I really needed to know if they arebringing the cupcakes.
Beatle had a school musical tonight. They sat out about 150 less chairs than they needed, no lie. I have yet to be in that gym when it didn't rank in the Top Ten Worst Experiences of the Year. We took the babies. I had Dum-Dums ready in the diaper bag should they start losing their cool...I should have broke them out for me as soon as I saw the chair situation! We were still 10 min out from the program starting when the two of them start going hog wild. At that moment, Brent and I realized that the best bet for our family now is to split up and just send a representative to video so he took the girls home and I clawed my way to the front for a good video footage like the other good Kindergarten parents. They let out some bleachers and I was in pretty good position but right before the younger ones started their program, a mom moved in beside me while the Mimi, Honey, or whatever hip name she dubbed herself with and the 3-year-old granddaughter flanked me. All the audio I kept getting was this mom, breathing down my neck, whining to her mom about how she couldn't see anything. The Sweetie kept commenting about how she loved the music teacher and how she was "da bomb" because she was getting into it and the girl kept kicking my back. Finally, I realized that the audio was my only shot at EVER knowing what this musical was about because while Beatle had started off strong, my video was now just of her standing there and occasionally yawning. So, I jumped ship and moved down the bleachers and the other mom slid the three inches over to take my still-warm seat. Then, I found myself in another predicament when the song ended and a mom and dad had returned to their seats after going "mobile cam". I asked if I had taken their seats they both said "no" but after I started realizing who belonged together, I started feeling weird. I was now sitting between the husband and wife and the wife and her mother. It was SO weird! I wanted to just leave the whole, darn musical but I stayed after insisting that the wife and I switch places.
Oh, so much is going on with Baby and I'm not sure how much I can/should really blog about right now. The good news first, she stood on her own, letting go and everything last Thursday! it was so exciting! We've never known her as a bi-ped. She was much better after this last visit. The caseworker and I put our heads together about why she was withdrawn last week and I think we've figured it out. I got a call this evening that Baby won't be having her visit with mom tomorrow because mom went into labor. Baby's a big sister as of tonight! I didn't know if I should visit mom in the hospital or not. What's the proper etiquette on that? I was making excuses to BR about it when Beatle chimed in with all of the love and wisdom you'd expect to get out of a spiritual leader when he/she rebukes you. We were flabbergasted. She was telling us to imagine how we'd feel in that hospital room, feeling all alone and thinking of all her babies. And, it wasn't till that moment that I realized that she really doesn't have anyone. She loves her kids and doesn't do so much as even smoke, she's got her problems, I know, but we all know parents like that but the big difference is that family or friends step in and provide that social support that all single moms need. She doesn't have that at all. We, undoubtedly, did a great thing tonight by taking her a devotional, a journal, and more pictures of Baby. We listened to her labor story, her description of how perfect he is and were the first ones to see him (and she had him a few hours before). Reflecting on Beatle and Birdie's births, there was such joy surrounding it; and while I felt many things, alone was NOT one of them and I wouldn't have had it any other way. My feelings of pity and saddness only grow when my mind returns to her at this time in her life. I can take NO credit for what we did tonight. Thank you, God, that my daughter knows you and she knows compassion for lonely people...even Meth Teeth. Sorry, I had to lighten it up, I was getting weepy.
Beatle had a school musical tonight. They sat out about 150 less chairs than they needed, no lie. I have yet to be in that gym when it didn't rank in the Top Ten Worst Experiences of the Year. We took the babies. I had Dum-Dums ready in the diaper bag should they start losing their cool...I should have broke them out for me as soon as I saw the chair situation! We were still 10 min out from the program starting when the two of them start going hog wild. At that moment, Brent and I realized that the best bet for our family now is to split up and just send a representative to video so he took the girls home and I clawed my way to the front for a good video footage like the other good Kindergarten parents. They let out some bleachers and I was in pretty good position but right before the younger ones started their program, a mom moved in beside me while the Mimi, Honey, or whatever hip name she dubbed herself with and the 3-year-old granddaughter flanked me. All the audio I kept getting was this mom, breathing down my neck, whining to her mom about how she couldn't see anything. The Sweetie kept commenting about how she loved the music teacher and how she was "da bomb" because she was getting into it and the girl kept kicking my back. Finally, I realized that the audio was my only shot at EVER knowing what this musical was about because while Beatle had started off strong, my video was now just of her standing there and occasionally yawning. So, I jumped ship and moved down the bleachers and the other mom slid the three inches over to take my still-warm seat. Then, I found myself in another predicament when the song ended and a mom and dad had returned to their seats after going "mobile cam". I asked if I had taken their seats they both said "no" but after I started realizing who belonged together, I started feeling weird. I was now sitting between the husband and wife and the wife and her mother. It was SO weird! I wanted to just leave the whole, darn musical but I stayed after insisting that the wife and I switch places.
Oh, so much is going on with Baby and I'm not sure how much I can/should really blog about right now. The good news first, she stood on her own, letting go and everything last Thursday! it was so exciting! We've never known her as a bi-ped. She was much better after this last visit. The caseworker and I put our heads together about why she was withdrawn last week and I think we've figured it out. I got a call this evening that Baby won't be having her visit with mom tomorrow because mom went into labor. Baby's a big sister as of tonight! I didn't know if I should visit mom in the hospital or not. What's the proper etiquette on that? I was making excuses to BR about it when Beatle chimed in with all of the love and wisdom you'd expect to get out of a spiritual leader when he/she rebukes you. We were flabbergasted. She was telling us to imagine how we'd feel in that hospital room, feeling all alone and thinking of all her babies. And, it wasn't till that moment that I realized that she really doesn't have anyone. She loves her kids and doesn't do so much as even smoke, she's got her problems, I know, but we all know parents like that but the big difference is that family or friends step in and provide that social support that all single moms need. She doesn't have that at all. We, undoubtedly, did a great thing tonight by taking her a devotional, a journal, and more pictures of Baby. We listened to her labor story, her description of how perfect he is and were the first ones to see him (and she had him a few hours before). Reflecting on Beatle and Birdie's births, there was such joy surrounding it; and while I felt many things, alone was NOT one of them and I wouldn't have had it any other way. My feelings of pity and saddness only grow when my mind returns to her at this time in her life. I can take NO credit for what we did tonight. Thank you, God, that my daughter knows you and she knows compassion for lonely people...even Meth Teeth. Sorry, I had to lighten it up, I was getting weepy.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Fork Tender
Growing up, not being much of a cook, I wasn't familiar with this term until just a few years ago. Using common sense, most could deduce what this term means--holding form and being firm on the outside but when speared, mush on the inside. Last week's visitation for Baby and her mom left me reeling from the fact that I, in all actuality, am fork tender.
I have a gruff and snippy tendency that I try, poorly, I'll admit, to mask in most situations but that's only covering up a big blob of feelings inside. Deep, deep down, most might confuse me with Mother Teresa. I joke! But really, I am, if nothing, a compassionate person.
It's really hard to explain why Wednesdays leave me feeling so broken down. I wonder if some of these feelings are just isolated to me or if most foster parents feel the same way. The ones I have talked to have had very disinterested birth parents so blessed is Baby that her mom still wants to be a part of her life but with that comes more face-to-face interactions for me and more confusing feelings. I'm sad for her mom, I'm sad for Baby, I'm mad at her mom, I'm jealous of her mom (that she gets to waltz in and be a two hour hero while I'm doing the day-to-day), I feel used, I resent Baby (for being so demanding at times that she takes me away from my own children), I love Baby, I don't want to love her too much...truly, these are things that course through my head all the time. Am I treating her fairly? Am I treating mine fairly? Could we take the new little brother coming in two weeks? Would I even want to if I could? What if rights get terminated? Would we adopt her? I'm just a mess. Six days out of the week, I know what our normal is even if I torture myself with some of these questions but that one bloody day throws it all out of whack. And when she came back the last time, she wouldn't smile at me or even establish eye contact with me that evening. Forget kisses or hugs. I figured that once she went to bed, she'd wake up smiley again, forgetting that confusing mess. But she didn't and, when she would look at me, it was with those same questioning eyes she had when we first got her in January. I wondered aloud to Brent if I was just being overly sensitive about it but then the daycare workers commented to him about it unsolicited. I feel like it took about 48 hours and prayers being lifted up to get back to normal so of course I'm anxious about tomorrow (if we still will have visitation as storms have knocked power out all over town). I need to do more praying about this and, for now, limit my face time with the birth mom till I get my head/heart on straight.
I have a gruff and snippy tendency that I try, poorly, I'll admit, to mask in most situations but that's only covering up a big blob of feelings inside. Deep, deep down, most might confuse me with Mother Teresa. I joke! But really, I am, if nothing, a compassionate person.
It's really hard to explain why Wednesdays leave me feeling so broken down. I wonder if some of these feelings are just isolated to me or if most foster parents feel the same way. The ones I have talked to have had very disinterested birth parents so blessed is Baby that her mom still wants to be a part of her life but with that comes more face-to-face interactions for me and more confusing feelings. I'm sad for her mom, I'm sad for Baby, I'm mad at her mom, I'm jealous of her mom (that she gets to waltz in and be a two hour hero while I'm doing the day-to-day), I feel used, I resent Baby (for being so demanding at times that she takes me away from my own children), I love Baby, I don't want to love her too much...truly, these are things that course through my head all the time. Am I treating her fairly? Am I treating mine fairly? Could we take the new little brother coming in two weeks? Would I even want to if I could? What if rights get terminated? Would we adopt her? I'm just a mess. Six days out of the week, I know what our normal is even if I torture myself with some of these questions but that one bloody day throws it all out of whack. And when she came back the last time, she wouldn't smile at me or even establish eye contact with me that evening. Forget kisses or hugs. I figured that once she went to bed, she'd wake up smiley again, forgetting that confusing mess. But she didn't and, when she would look at me, it was with those same questioning eyes she had when we first got her in January. I wondered aloud to Brent if I was just being overly sensitive about it but then the daycare workers commented to him about it unsolicited. I feel like it took about 48 hours and prayers being lifted up to get back to normal so of course I'm anxious about tomorrow (if we still will have visitation as storms have knocked power out all over town). I need to do more praying about this and, for now, limit my face time with the birth mom till I get my head/heart on straight.
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