My Life as a Model...

Ummm, yeah. Stupid moment of gumption. What a ridiculous situation I've gotten myself into now. Our church is having an event on May 7th for our preteen girls called Secret Keeper Girls. A woman who is my age and looks unbelievably like Barbie (she intimidates the frick out of me) is in charge of getting models projecting a "healthy" body image (i.e. could sit on top of her and eat her portion of lunch). They needed several different sizes and were having a hard time getting an outgoing person for one of the sizes so I felt compelled to help...the problem is that I'm not that size...yet!!! I went home after her pleas and was talking to Brent about her need and pulled that size of jeans out of my closet and said if I could put them on and zip them up, it would be a sign that I should help. They zipped right up! So the next day, I called her up and told her that she could count on me until I found out that they are doing a throw back to TV characters with these models and the size 14 (me!) is Alice the maid off of the Brady Bunch!!! Horror!! Are you kidding me?? Being my size, I need all of the help I can get and I don't want to be a maid! Being a size 14 in my old, old American Eagle jeans with a muffin top is much different than wearing an all white smock with matching white sneakers! My body is not smock material. Anyways, I have three choices: 1) Squeeze into that white dress and look like a lumpy tube of toothpaste, risking the possibility of ripping the back while everyone admits to their friends they didn't think I was really a size 14. 2) Call the exceptionally perky, beauty queen and explain to her that I was just jerking her chain and stick her with the slot to fill in a month or 3) Eat 1,200 calories a day, continue my running and working out and be a confident size 14 again by May 7th! Well, I'm choosing #3 even though I'm still nervous that I might, in ignorance, actually be choosing #1.

Free the leashed children in America! Not! I'm actually in the market for a leash for Birdie. I'm really considering it. Aren't I playing right into the foster mom stereotype? Don't judge me until you have two small children in your care. It's so hard because she's getting so fast and I have to be so thoughtful on the order I get the girls out of the car or Birdie is at risk. She's not exactly mastered holding my hand yet--trying holding a pixie's hand with another baby on your hip...can you say scoliosis??? Plus, we're taking her on a cruise with us and I've never cruised before but I'm just thinking that if God, the Almighty, trusted Mary and Joseph to be the Earthly parents of His son and they still lost him at a family event, I should definitely get a back up plan!