Happy--It's a relative term, isn't it???

Just blew back into town from my wonderful 2 week playcation in Oklahoma. It was delightful! There's nothing like visiting familiar places, old friends and nutty family to give you a special warmth in your heart as only it can. Yes, I get warm fuzzies; however, as I reflect on the trip, I also see flashes of many different people asking me basically the same question, "Are you happy?"

Either I'm one of those sour-pussed Christians, a bad communicator, or really NOT happy for several different people who know me well to ask me that and I'd really like to be NONE of the things listed previously.

Each time I was asked it was like I was caught off-guard, not really knowing how to answer so I'm going to put my thoughts together more carefully than I did in person and answer here for my own sake.

"Corrie doesn't seem happy so I want to take her to dinner to find out if she's really happy." "Tell me why you're in Hot Springs. I need to know you are there for a reason. Are you happy there?"

"Yes! I am happy! Thank you for being concerned with my welfare but I am completely satisfied. I've never been this satisfied with myself actually and have been marveling in it recently. For the first time ever, I'm comfortable in my skin, LOVE what I'm doing day-in and day-out, and am generally happy with who I am and where I am. But, as a Christian, I know that life's not even about happiness. Nor is it all about being understood. It's so much bigger than that! I'd rather live my life faithful to the Most High King than be understood by family and friends as painful as that might be. When He says "Go", I wanna go no matter where. If life were all about my personal happiness, then I would be back in Oklahoma for good--dumping my kids off on my parents when the weekend came and whooping it up with my friends every bloody weekend. When I did a little dumping and whooping on my playcation, I didn't once think of anyone besides myself. Some people can minister close to home, but for me, my tendency is too selfish right now. I'd want to be self-serving instead of serving others.

With our life in Hot Springs, do I have everything that I want in this world? No, but I have everything I need and I count my blessings all the time. Do I get to do everthing I want to? No, but I know that exercising a little self-control is definitely something that I need practice at. Do I miss having family and friends around? Of course! But I'd like to think that our little family unit has grown closer, visits to home sweeter and made me more self-reliant. Do I act or talk like I used to? I hope not! I hope that I filter what comes out of my mouth a lot more than I used to. I don't like hurting people and saying "I'm sorry" all the time. I want more of Him and less of me -- and if that makes me boring in your eyes or you think I've changed, I have and that's ok...being a little more reserved doesn't hurt people as much."

It means a lot to me that people care enough to show concern for me and want things to feel right in my eyes and I don't know if I have really worded my answer as eloquently as I had hoped but my prayer is that everyone would realize that life here on this earth is more about our self-serving happiness and the flush (that's Beatle's version of the "flesh". i have yet to correct her because it's so stinking cute.) but all about Jesus Christ and what we can do as His servants! Would you ask a servant if he were happy? Probably not because he's been committed to one master and the servant doesn't have any control besides showing up for duty in the mornings. I take that back--he does have another choice, he can smile or not while he works. People, I'm smiling!!! But I'll smile a little bigger after all these inquiries. :)