Why I Don't Read the Bible

Ok, the people I know who read my blog are great Christian people but I'd be willing to hedge a bet that many of them don't do a consistent, daily Bible study and fewer actually enjoy it. Maybe I'm wrong and good for you if I am. Last year, Brent and I read a book called "Crazy Love" and I found it very liberating from the guilt, dread, and shame I felt from all my legalistic feelings of "having to read the Bible every day" and setting my alarm early but then snoozing through reading and feeling like crap all day or blearily reading it, feeling like I got nothing out of it. When I was a teenager, I truly found joy in reading my Bible. Brent teased me when we got together because almost every bit of my New Testament was highlighted because I just kept thinking, "Oh, this is good stuff!" and would highlight some more.

While I found the book refreshing, I've felt like it's time to dive into scripture now that I'm at home and have more scripture memorized than I have lines from SpongeBob. I started up right after Beatle went to school and my days had more routine than the summer. I loved it and was getting so much out of it but it didn't last long and then here came the thunderclouds. Ever since I was a teenager, I've been PLAGUED by spiritual battles and many times the only thing that kept me going was the thought that if Satan wanted to destroy me SO much, God must have an enormous plan for me that he wants to foil. But, at this point in my life, I don't feel like I'm working this enormous plan yet, and I just waved the white flag of surrender and quit reading my Bible. Knowing that I still connect with God on many other levels, that suited me fine for awhile but then that feeling to do more came back to haunt me.

BR came home two weeks ago after a staff meeting and said that John was getting stern with the staff about reading their Bibles daily which (gasp!) ministers don't always do either. John's very disciplined and by the following week he wanted every minister to report back their plan because if you fail to plan then you plan to fail, right? BR was kicking around some ideas and then after some soul-searching I proposed that instead of us unwinding to my favorite trashy Bravo show every night(double gasp!) after we put the girls to bed, that we read our Bibles then. He loved the idea and got us two Chronological 365-Day NIV Bibles. Beatle had just outgrown her Children's Bible so we got her an older one and we were all reading our Bibles for 3 days until literally, all HELL broke loose!

We have had the STUPIDEST 48 hours and my sister and I agreed on the phone that my family is falling apart at the seams both physically and emotionally. Unless you lived it, I don't know if you can feel the shear magnitude of stress and hopelessness I felt on Saturday night. In a nutshell, the three points were Brent busting his face beyond belief, Beatle getting pneumonia, a "killer" ear infection and pink eye (unbelievable!) and a neighborhood brawl where the cops came twice, a toothless lady (God only knows where she came from) said "some b*tch called the cops" and then I announced that I was "that b*tch" and then imagine the scene from the Exorcist where she sprays green puke everywhere only substitute those for expletives from the toothless lady's mouth. Honestly, it may not sound like it but I really minded my manners. Was I emotional? Absolutely! Always am. I was primed and ready to tussle but instead just walked away (with Brent's guided help) and went inside to the sound of them mocking our faith and let him, the rest of the neighbors, and the cops try to appeal to any good sense our other neighbors might have deep, DEEE--EEP down. It was a horrible night! One I hope to never repeat.

So, am I wussing out on reading my Bible? Can't say I haven't thought about it because peace seems to avoid me when I'm dedicated to it. The tide will soon turn (I'm hoping!) and I will start reaping the benefits instead of the trouble! It would be so easy to quit but I really think I'm going to stick it out this time. I'm not sure if I have much of a choice now that I'm accountable to Brent, too! :)