Stewing--Cooking up some "What to Do?" Stew

Not gonna lie, last week was tough. So much for raising my glass. "Put the glass back down, Corrie. You look like an idiot." haha! We had Jessica in town--don't know if it was a pleasant experience for her but it was nice to have some emotional support because I was almost to my breaking point.

After talking to my mom, I realized (for the 85th time) that I try to do too much. Most women do. I know I always have. I remember being in High School and my mom would say nervously, "Corrie, that's too much. Can you fit it all in?" In life, there are some things you have to do and some things you want to do. And everything I want to do, I sign up for because...it sounds fun! Until you realize that you have a nervous twitch, a fever blister sprouting on your lip and you're not really nice to anyone anymore, then things aren't fun. Life's just so short and I want to get it all in! I gotta cut back on what I can, realizing that I have two little ones and that's the season I'm in.

I was really pushed over the edge when the school counselor called me. Beatle has not been herself and in the last week, it's like I have an almost-6-year-old Woody Allen living in my home. She's scared of everything and the neuroses she has number the stars in the sky. She's literally been paralyzed with fear. It's unsettling to see someone change so much. Where is my keeps-you-laughing, wise-beyond-her-years Beatle? She's in there somewhere, buried beneath heaps of what the counselor cites is Separation Anxiety. I feel helpless, trying to be patient as this stage passes. We can only speculate what triggered it. Teachers, church volunteers, all say that she hasn't been herself in almost a month but it's really been kicked into hyper-drive in the last week. She says she's just "too used to me", "she misses me", "afraid I won't pick her up from school", BR "won't find his way home from Lowe's", on and on and on. I was literally on the pot and she came to check on me three times to see if I was safe. I was ready to punch my safety cuckoo clock out by the time I had washed my hands. She tells us that she doesn't want to cry but she just does. She can't pinpoint why she feels this way; it just washes over her. We are left to only speculate. The school was quick to point the finger at Baby since we got her a month ago and I agree that must have a strong tie-in but it left me feeling like crap because we chose to bring Baby in and I don't want it to be the psychological downfall of our other child. A counselor friend of ours speculated what I feel to be the strongest reason for her insecurities, not singularly feeling displaced because of Baby (even though she's shared that it's hard being the oldest with two babies) but witnessing that families can break-down and moms can walk away. Those being thoughts that she's hopefully never entertained before. And, all of this intensified when I went to Oklahoma, leaving her at home with just Dad for the first time. I don't know. Just pray for Beatle when you think of her and pray for us that we can help her feel secure again. This just isn't her and that's a helpless feeling for a parent.